The reaction to well-meaning folk who strongly opine on what I need to do in seeking medical advice and assistance runs between a half loaf of frustration and a half pint of resignation.
No offense to myself but I knew it was coming. I just was a little surprised on how pervasive the need is for others to try and put their best foot forward only to watch them stumble and fall with their good intentions.
Which - as I've ever so often instructed my wife - is what the road to you-know-where is paved with.
Way back nine or 10 months ago when my seriously painful and chronic joint inflammation sent me to seek answers from one specialist after another, the unsolicited advise started to trickle in. Then it came a little more steady, the way a heavy shower does where the windshield get splattered with a few drops just before when the wipers can't keep up.
I understood what and why the not-so-professional and free advice was coming from. It was love all packaged up in the person's way of saying that this worked for me and therefore it will work for you.
Alas, no two snowflakes are ever perfect matches. And neither are medical treatments. We are all uniquely made and thus we all can expect some fine-tuning whenever a physician or teams of physicians get to treating you.
Besides, in my case things were becoming more and more baffling. Consequently, the treatments were becoming more and more a thickening brew of various combinations of tests, consults and medicines.
It was a thoroughly agrivating case of stumping the doctor. That is, unless you happen NOT to be a doctor. Then you can dispense whatever medical advice/knowledge you wish; for free and without any worry of be found in violation of the law for doing so without a license. Much less sued for malpractice.
So when the nice little old lady stopped Bev and me after church one Sunday and urged me to look into this and that medical device/treatment/drug we - as pleasantly as possible - smiled, nodded our heads, and expressed something of a surprise about something we all ready knew.
And then we kept the next doctor appointment, no less the worse for wear.
Things became more contorted when I became diagnosed with prostate cancer. Oh, make that much more distorted.
Opinions, advice, personal histories - which including those of friends and loved ones who had complications or nasty side effects - flew from every corner of this New Age of instant communications.
Bev and I were told that this was going to happen, that people genuinely want to do right and see that you come out on top. More than a few web sites that deal with prostate cancer cautioned us that this would be so.
Thus, whenever I received an email, telephone call or general post letter I didn't just dismiss them outright.
That is why I checked out everything from exotic and cutting edge proton and neutron radiation therapies available pretty much only in Texas to chowing down on a daily basis so much fresh asparagus that by doing I'd have put a serious dent in the availability of that vegetable.
Of course, had the recommendation been broccoli then I would not have contained my patience, that vegetable and me not being on speaking terms.
There was the time as well when one unsolicited opinion came in which the communicator opined that my specialist's partner was not a very good doctor and so I should consider myself fortunate not to have chosen him.
But like all of the other offerings I accepted this piece of misplaced advice in the spirit in which it was given. That person thought enough of me and my health that the individual wanted what was best to help ensure a long, prosperous and healthy life.
So, no, it is never OK to say "no" to love.
But there are times when it's best to say nothing at all.
- Jeffrey L. Frischkorn
JFrischkorn@News-Herald.com
Twitter: @Fieldkorn
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